Saturday, 18 March 2017

A new peace......a catch up.

Hello, .........calling from the other side.....if you listen to Adele's lyrics you will appreciate what I am trying to convey. 

I have been on the other side, just trying to put myself back after my many worlds were somewhat shattered. I have allowed myself a period of mourning.

I have lost many things, some physical, some spiritual, some things I never had but thought I did......and in my quiet place I saw how many other things I still could count as blessings.

Stuff is just stuff, I am not mourning stuff, stuff doesnt make you happy.....but it can be caught up in the grief.

But from the other side, I see calm and beauty and a new happy. 
I was fortunate to have people close and from afar reach out when I was low, people like Denice who has empathy and a kindness that just made me feel less alone. 
My friend Denice has a cool blog that I stumbled upon and we exchanged many an email. I felt safe telling her my story. 

One of the things we lost was my husbands father. 
(This is my husband by the way)
This is always a reflective time when we have to say goodbye to our parents. 
A few tears were shed and the occasion marked on my 365 circles project.
I will have a bittersweet reminder of this time and grateful that it is marked in such a personal way. 

Another anniversary was marked. I am blessed to have a strong silent and practical partner in my life. 
When we married and I saw him waiting for me in the church, a strong feeling of peace descended upon me, and a voice in my head said...."You are home now"....
This marriage is my home and it has kept me safe in all my turbulent times.

I had to mourn the loss of what I used to think of as my family of origin. 
Many events over many years culminated in a last outrageous act of disrespect, bullying and scapegoating. I had to walk away from and mourn a very dysfunctional family dynamic. 
Every time I hear stories of domestic abuse, I am only just now realising how toxic my family was. I accepted behaviours because no one told me that it was wrong. Besides are not parents supposed to nuture and protect?  
I am an intelligent woman but it took 55 years to realise how children can be programmed to accept abuse from the ones they look to for security......never judge anyone who is caught up in abusive is complex......just be there to support and the sufferer will see their way out if kindness is shown and you listen and believe their story. 

So in my quiet place I sat and looked at the simple things that are around us. Saw beauty where ever it was. 
And I regained myself. 


So now my story emerges.........


  1. It's been a long road for you, and painful, but you have a strong partner and good friends. They are the light at the end of the tunnel, friend.

    1. Thank you, they are indeed my light my friend.